


Zeros, The

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Angst, Episode Tag, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-02-18
Updated: 2002-02-18
Packaged: 2019-05-15 14:58:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14792684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: Post-episode for Night Five





	Zeros, The

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

**The Zeroes**

**by:** Dee 

**Disclaimer:** His 

**Category:** post episode for Night Five - Josh/Donna 

**Spoilers:** Up to Night Five 

**Rating:** YTEEN 

**Author's Note:** Warning: Spoilers through Night Five. Instead of a post-ep. I'm doing a pre-ep. Actually it's more like a pre-ep fantasy. Sort of like losing ten pounds without dieting… it ain't never going to happen. 

Donna stared at the napkin in her hand. The one Casey had pushed across the table at lunch when he explained exactly how much he was offering her. 

She laughed. She chastised him for teasing her. She pushed the napkin back across the table and told him next time he wanted to try something like this, he should make the number more reasonable if he wanted her to actually fall for the joke. 

"It's not a joke, Donna." 

The words reverberated through her head. It was late. The wise thing to do would be to go home, sleep on it, and then come in tomorrow and tell Josh. 

She looked at the napkin again and looked at Josh's door. Or she could tell him right now. Because the churning in her stomach was too powerful to ignore. And she couldn't stand the idea that she might be considering leaving him without him knowing it. 

She walked in without knocking. She never knocked. But she stopped when she heard him on the phone. 

"Late. Sure. You don't have to come here. I'll just come over there. You want me to pick up dinner?" 

He turned in his chair and spotted her. 

"Yeah. Okay. I've got to go. Yeah. Me too." He hung up the phone. "That was Amy." 

No duh. Someday Donna was going to figure out this need they had to share their personal lives with each other. Because she was pretty sure, he didn't like it when she did it, and she was positive that she didn't like it when he did it. 

Three weeks. They had been dating, seriously, for three weeks. It's the longest time he'd ever dated anyone since Mandy, since working at the White House. She had to give him credit. He was really trying to make this work with her. She should have been happy for him. 

But for the first time, his relationship outside of work, was starting to impact on their relationship inside of work. She couldn't explain why. It was just happening. She tried to be funny Donna and tease him about his crush. She tried to be friend Donna and ask him how things were going. She tried to be helpful Donna and conspired with him to get Amy over to his apartment. 

But it wasn't working. There was something off. Like a note out of tune. If she was honest with herself, they had been out of tune for quite a while. It's why she was considering the napkin in her hand. 

"I need to talk to you." 

"Now, I'm sort of busy. I got that thing with Health and Human Services tomorrow and…" 

"Yeah. Now." 

Josh just looked at her. "This is personal?" 

"Yes." 

He sighed. "Donna, I really don't care if you're seeing Cliff again. I think it's pathetic…" 

"I'm not seeing Cliff. And why would I be pathetic?" 

"Uh." 

Donna stared at him. "That hurt, Josh." 

He actually looked ashamed. "I'm sorry. It's just… you said you were seeing some lawyer. I just assumed." 

"I was seeing a lawyer. My lawyer actually. But we broke it off, not that it's any of your business." 

"Right. I'm sorry." 

Donna looked down at the napkin in her hand. Maybe this was for the best. Maybe if she did this they would stop hurting each other. Because they were hurting each other. And she used to think it was unintentional, just two emotional idiots stumbling around in the dark and bumping into each other and causing each other bruises, but now she was beginning to think that the bruises weren't as accidental as she thought. On either side. 

"What's that?" 

"A napkin." 

"You wanted to talk to me about a napkin?" 

"Yes. I had lunch with Casey. You remember him?" 

"Computer geek, Casey?" 

"He's starting up this new company. And he wants to hire me." Donna shoved the napkin at him. "That's how much he wants to pay me." 

Josh looked up at her. Then he looked at the napkin. 

"You're kidding me." 

"No." 

"You're not serious." 

"Okay, Josh, take a better look. There are no decimal points in between those zeros." 

He looked at her again and his jaw practically hit the desk. She waited then she saw his eyes change. He was beginning to asses, to strategize, and to determine which tactic would work best. She had five bucks on guilt. 

"So you're telling me you're quitting." 

"I'm considering it." 

"You're considering it," he repeated coolly. "In the middle of an election, when I need you the most, you're thinking of abandoning me. Abandoning Bartlet. For zeros?" 

"I'm not abandoning you, Josh." 

"Then what the hell are you doing?" 

"Considering a job offer for a great deal more money. Considering a new challenge. A new direction. Considering that even if we win this election my job is finite." 

Josh stood then, unable to have this conversation sitting down. "Is that what this is about? You think we're going to lose so you are jumping ship." 

"No. I think we're going to win and I don't know if I can do this for four more years." 

"Do what?" 

"This, Josh," she said pointing between the space between them. "Things are different. You've got Amy now and I just think…" 

His eyes practically bugged out of his head and Donna knew she had made a tactical error. 

"Amy! Is that what this is about?" 

"Again, let me direct your attention to the zeros." 

"Forget the zeros, Donna. You and I both know this isn't about money. I can't believe this. I can't believe… you're quitting because you're jealous of Amy." 

"What! I'm not quitting because of her, Josh." 

"You just said…" 

"You didn't let me finish. I just think now would be an okay time for me to go. For four years I've been more than your assistant, Josh. Now you don't need… the more. You have her. All you need is an assistant. You'll find a replacement." It hurt to her to even say the word. 

"You're pissed that I have someone in my life, is that it?" 

"No. What I'm trying to say …" 

"No, I know exactly what you're trying to say. This is unbelievable. I can't even… You're mad because I have Amy. You're jealous because you're not the one I …" 

"You're wrong," she tried again. "This isn't about…" 

"You dated Cliff first!" 

And that stopped her. "What did you say?" 

"I mean for you to be jealous, Donna…" 

She shook her head and felt a surge of anger boiling in her stomach. And she knew that this… this was the point when it had all gone wrong. "You're still pissed." 

"I'm not," he said sitting down again. 

"You are! I mean I knew, but… why don't you just ask me, Josh. Why don't you just ask me why I did it? You know you want to." 

He simmered for a little and looked away. Then he turned back to her. "Fine. Why did you sleep with him?" 

Now it was her turn to be shocked. That wasn't the question she thought he was going to ask. 

"That's what you want to know?" She could literally see him mentally trying to backpedal. 

"Uh… No. Uh…What did you think I wanted to know?" 

"Why I lied about the diary." 

"Oh." 

"Fine. I'll tell you." 

"You don't have to." 

"No. We got together the first time and hit it off. He realized right away the conflict of interest, but you had to tell me the next day. He came over that night to apologize. I'd already had a few pity drinks. He joined me. One thing led to another and it happened. It was mistake. We both knew it." 

"Fine. So why did you lie about the diary?" 

"Why were you so pissed that I slept with Cliff?" 

Josh sighed. "He was the enemy, Donna. It was bad enough…" 

"See! See, what you just said." 

"He was the enemy." 

"The other part." 

Josh clamped his mouth shut. 

"What are we doing, Josh?" 

"You're thinking of leaving," he said bitterly. 

"But why. What happened? We used to be… not like this." 

"Not like what?" 

"Don't be dense with me, Josh. Not now." She sat in the chair opposite him. The anger was mostly extinguished. "We haven't been… ourselves." 

"No." 

"I thought it was because you were still disappointed that I lied." 

"I wasn't. I was…. but I wasn't mad about it, Donna. It happened. You made a mistake." 

"So you were more upset that I slept with Cliff?" 

"No. You can … do that with whomever you want. It's really none of my business." 

"No it isn't." 

"But you told me. I mean before the diary or the trouble. Why?" 

"Because I didn't want you to find out from someone else. Why do you tell me in advance when you're taking Amy out?" 

"So you'll know where I am in case something happens." 

They both knew they were lying. 

"Are you quitting?" 

"Maybe it would be for the best," she finally said. "Maybe this thing," again she pointed to the space between them, "isn't so good for us. If you had a normal assistant…" 

"I don't want a normal assistant. I want you." 

They looked at each other then. Donna stood up and reached over his desk for the napkin. "I have to think about this, Josh. This is my life. My future. I can understand why you're upset, and why it's bad timing, but… you have to let me think about this." 

"Fine. Think about it." 

She left and he watched her go. He reached for the empty soda can on his desk and crushed it in his hand simply to give way to some of what he was feeling. 

"Hey." 

Josh tried to smile. Amy reached for the bag of Chinese food in his and leaned in to kiss him. 

This was nice he thought. Nice and homey. He should be happy with this. This was what he wanted. 

"What's the matter?" 

"Huh?" 

"Look at you. Your face says it all. Something's up. Is it policy?" 

"No." He shucked off his coat and headed for the couch and sat down, his face now in his hands as he tried to wrap his mind around what had just happened in his office. One thing was pretty clear… Donna definitely did not say she was staying. She was going to think about it. 

Amy handed him a drink and joined him on the couch. "So give." 

He looked at her and found himself not wanting to tell her. It didn't feel like a conversation that she belonged in, but then he realized that was ridiculous. She was his girlfriend, he was having a problem at work. He should share. 

"Donna got another job offer… and she's considering it." 

Amy nodded. "Okay. You're upset by this?" 

"Yes I'm upset!" Josh leapt to his feet. "We're starting the re- election. I'm going to be busier than I've ever been. I need … I can't… and she's thinking of leaving." 

"Is it a better job?" 

"What the hell difference does that make?" 

"Josh, Donna is an overworked, underpaid assistant. If she has an opportunity to grow and better her financial situation, she should take it." 

"Amy this isn't about your cause! This is Donna!" 

She considered his anger. "I think I'm beginning to see that. Josh, can I point out a little fact here. She's just an assistant. A good one, sure, but if she leaves you'll find someone else. What's the big deal?" 

The big deal was night after night spent together on the campaign trail. Four o'clock runs to the diner for ice cream. All night chat sessions at the Laundromat where she could never get enough of what he had to say. She was like a learning sponge. 

The big deal was a sympathetic shoulder when he and Mandy ended. A laugh whenever he needed one, arms that held him after his father died, and checked in with his mother once a month just to see how she was doing. Amy didn't even know his mother's name. 

The big deal was that she knew to wait for him in the lobby; she knew his favorite food, and he knew hers. She had been there when the physical pain had been at it's worse, and then again when the emotional pain had taken over. 

The big deal was she had become the most consistent part of his life since losing Joanie and now she was thinking of leaving him. 

"I can't lose her," he said more to himself then he did to Amy. 

Amy sat back and considered him. "Josh." 

"What?" he snapped irritated at being distracted from formulating a plan. 

"You know when you first followed me back to my office, I asked you whether or not you were dating your assistant." 

"I'm not sleeping with her, Amy," he groaned falling back onto the couch. "That isn't what this is about." 

"Right. But maybe I should have rephrased my question. Are you in love with your assistant?" 

Josh looked over at her and shook his head. "You don't get it." 

"Please explain." 

"Amy, Donna is…" 

"What? What is Donna? She's an assistant, Josh. A secretary. Someone that answers phones, types memos, keeps your schedule. I know. I have one. One that I like very much. But if she came to me and said she got a better offer and she was going to have to leave, I would say good luck." 

"You would?" 

"Yes. She's just an employee, Josh. But you're sitting here looking as if you just lost your best friend and so I have to wonder, maybe Donna's not just your employee." 

"She's not," he whispered. 

"So what is she?" 

"I don't know," he said finally. "I don't know," he admitted to himself. He thought about what she said, about why he was pissed because she'd been with Cliff. "Let me ask you something, if you found out your assistant was dating someone from the ProLife Council what would you do?" 

"Tell her to have her head examined, but otherwise nothing." 

"You wouldn't be mad that she was dating the enemy." 

"No. Her personal life is her business. And Donna's personal life is her business. And if it's not, then you need to think about what that means. You should go." 

"Yeah." He picked up his coat and headed for the door. "I'll call you." 

"Not until you figure out what's what J. I don't play second fiddle." 

He thought about reminding her that she seemed to have no problem juggling him alongside Tandy, but dropped it. For whatever reason it didn't see worth it. 

Josh beeped Donna's buzzer. 

"Who is it?" 

"Me." 

"I don't want to talk to you." 

"Tough," he fired back. 

"You're going to try and guilt me, Josh and I can't let you. I need to think." 

"Donna, open the door." 

"No." 

"I'm not leaving." 

"Then you better hope the temperature doesn't drop." 

He held his finger on the buzzer. 

"Go away." 

"I don't have my coat. And it's really getting cold. And I think I might be coming down with something." 

He heard the door click and opened it. 

She was waiting at the door of her apartment like she wasn't going to let him in. He stood there and finally she backed away. He followed her inside and sat on her couch. 

Her couch always seemed more comfortable than Amy's. 

"You lied about your coat." 

"I did. Don't take it." 

"Josh…" 

"I'll break up with Amy." 

She stared at him for a moment. "Josh, this isn't about making you choose." 

"It feels like it." 

"It's not." 

"I'm still breaking up with Amy." 

"Why?" 

"Because if her assistant dated someone working for the ProLife Council, she wouldn't care." 

"You're taking this feminista thing a little too far, aren't you?" 

He just looked at her and willed her to understand. 

Donna sighed and sat down next to him. "What makes you think if I stay, things would all of the sudden go back to the way it was before?" 

"Because we'll make it go back." 

"Josh…" 

"I know. I know. Eventually… but not right now, okay. Let's just get through the re-election. Then we can … talk." 

"You really don't have to break up with Amy." 

"I'll see." 

"I mean if you want to…" 

He smiled then. "You weren't really going to leave were you?" 

"Okay, maybe you didn't see all the zeros. They wrapped around the napkin, Josh." 

"I'm not giving you a raise." 

"One zero wouldn't kill you." 

He chuckled and felt better. But he also felt weird. This was the first time that they had even come close to acknowledging… what they couldn't acknowledge. He felt as if he'd just suffered a really close call. A little exhilarated and a little shaky. 

"I've got to go." 

"Okay." 

"I'll see you tomorrow." 

Donna nodded and kissed her new car goodbye. "Tomorrow." After all there were some things more important in life than the zeros. 


End file.
